Stuck in my own circle of Hell

YES. 

YES. 

Now to catch up!

I just need to get out of Stuart. 

Anyone willing to help?

warbler-smythe:

Well it did end. And there is nothing we can do about it now.

I’m still beyond mad at you.

But I don’t hate you.

I feel like I might regret this but: I’m willing to work on it of you are.

I can…I can do that. I can definitely do that.

warbler-smythe:

If you remember i came back. I flew back from paris 24 hours later. If it wasn’t for that damned plane I would have been back sooner. It was a mistake and I’m sorry if I hurt you but I came back for you .
As for me walking out of the room,
What the fuck was I supposed to do? Stay? Listen to you say you were leaving? argue some more? Would it have really mattered? Would you and I be going to Paris tomorrow?

Don’t say it would have either. You are more stubborn than a damn mule Larson.

I left that room because I didn’t want to sit there and watch you break both of us because you’re an idiot.

I couldn’t come back Seabstian! 

Not when it hurt Derek. I couldn’t do it… No matter how much I wanted to. 

I didn’t want it to end. Still wish it hadn’t. 

warbler-smythe:

julianlarsonstuckatdalton:

Real smooth Seabstian. It’s nice to see that we’re being honest.

What?!
You want me to fucking say I hate you?

You want me to tell you how much I wish you’d just run away again?

I can’t do that.
Because as pissed as I am at you, I can’t hate you. I couldn’t hate you when you left Paris and I cant hate you now.

Doesn’t mean I actually like you.

I want you to own up to the fact that you hurt me just as badly as I did you! 

You left me first Sebastian! Ignored everything I had to say, made your assumptions and fucking left me! You ran away first and left me with nothing. 

I left knowing that you would have Derek and that he would make you happy and I swear to fucking God that was the only reason I left. 

But you left with nothing and expected me to be okay. So you don’t get to sit here and just… be superior and… you just don’t. Because I am the only fucking one who ended up miserable out of all this shit!

And I still have to look my best friend in the fucking eye and pretend that I’m going to be okay. That’s just… Fucking perfect.

stuartsplayboyseigerson replied to your post<span >: <em >stuartsplayboyseigerson replied to your post<span…

I’m sorry.

It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change things.

Real smooth Seabstian. It’s nice to see that we’re being honest.

warbler-smythe:

julianlarsonstuckatdalton:

warbler-smythe:

He has his flaws. 

They’re easier to ignore than yours though. He has this dick over mind thing that happens. 

You however just run to LA. You don’t have the balls to stay and fight for someone you claimed to love. You run back to the safety of your trailer, and hide away until you think every one has forgotten how much you fucked up. 

I would also like to point out that if I actually forgot about you, I wouldn’t be so fucking pissed right now. You took everything from me. You don’t have a right to tell me I’m not allowed to move on. 

If you can throw me away like that, then I have every fucking right to try  and forget about you. 

I know his flaws better than anyone. Better than even Logan, do not start with me on that. 

I know I’m a coward. I fucking know it. I came back because it hurt too much stay away. I was lucky I lasted the two months I did Sebastian. You think it’s any better there for me? That everyone would just magically forget what I did?

I came out. I came out for YOU. I fucking came out and declared my love for you at the Grammys. The fucking Grammys Sebastian! I had to deal with that, my life was crumbling at my ears. Still is to be honest.

I ran, because Derek was miserable. He was hurting, so I ran. Because without me there he could be happy. And I’m sorry that you got hurt in the process, I am, and you are entitled to move on. 

Doesn’t mean I have to fucking like it. 

You made the choice Julian.  You made the fucking choice to come out. I never fucking asked you to do that for me. 

I never said I didn’t love you. 

If it was hard for you to make that choice, imagine how fucking hard it was for me to not be able to do shit about it. I was just stuck here. I couldn’t chase you. I couldn’t run away. 

Lucky for you My dad probably won’t let me come back after the break. 

Congratu-fucking-lations. 

I probably won’t be around to make your life difficult any longer. 

I did it for you because I love you! I’ve never ever been able to even contemplate that for anyone else. EVER. 

And why couldn’t you have chased me? Huh? Why not? I never said don’t follow me. You’re the one who walk out the room first, who officially declared it all over.

And you want to know what? Yes I hurt you. I fucking hurt you and I know it and I’m sorry. But let me fucking fill you in on one detail Seabstian. 

You left me once. Or have you forgotten?

You ran away to Paris. And you broke my heart. 

… The only difficult part about all this is you hating me. That absolutely fucking kills me. That you actually hate me while I’m stuck still loving you. 

Why aren’t you coming back? 

warbler-smythe:

julianlarsonstuckatdalton:

warbler-smythe:

julianlarsonstuckatdalton:

warbler-smythe:

Fine. Fan-fucking-tastic. 

Have fun killing brain cells. 

Have fun fucking my best friend. 

He’s better than you ever were. 

But of course. He’s Derek Seigerson. He’s fucking perfect at everything. 

Much better than I ever could hope to be. 

It’s why you actually truly forgot about me so damn fast. 

He has his flaws. 

They’re easier to ignore than yours though. He has this dick over mind thing that happens. 

You however just run to LA. You don’t have the balls to stay and fight for someone you claimed to love. You run back to the safety of your trailer, and hide away until you think every one has forgotten how much you fucked up. 

I would also like to point out that if I actually forgot about you, I wouldn’t be so fucking pissed right now. You took everything from me. You don’t have a right to tell me I’m not allowed to move on. 

If you can throw me away like that, then I have every fucking right to try  and forget about you. 

I know his flaws better than anyone. Better than even Logan, do not start with me on that. 

I know I’m a coward. I fucking know it. I came back because it hurt too much stay away. I was lucky I lasted the two months I did Sebastian. You think it’s any better there for me? That everyone would just magically forget what I did?

I came out. I came out for YOU. I fucking came out and declared my love for you at the Grammys. The fucking Grammys Sebastian! I had to deal with that, my life was crumbling at my ears. Still is to be honest.

I ran, because Derek was miserable. He was hurting, so I ran. Because without me there he could be happy. And I’m sorry that you got hurt in the process, I am, and you are entitled to move on. 

Doesn’t mean I have to fucking like it. 

warbler-smythe:

julianlarsonstuckatdalton:

warbler-smythe:

julianlarsonstuckatdalton:

warbler-smythe:

julianlarsonstuckatdalton:

warbler-smythe replied to your post<span >: <em >stuartsplayboyseigerson replied to your post<span…

Leave it along Der….if killing himself one puff at a time is his choice. If he wants to be STUPID AS FUCK…. let him.

Last time I checked it wasn’t your job to be concerned about me anymore Smythe. 

I’ll do as I please. 

Exactly, I was making sure Derek knew you have the right to do whatever you fucking please, regardless of the consequences 

Fine. Great. 

As long as Derek knows. That’s just…Yeah. He’s all that matters. 

Fine. Fan-fucking-tastic. 

Have fun killing brain cells. 

Have fun fucking my best friend. 

He’s better than you ever were. 

But of course. He’s Derek Seigerson. He’s fucking perfect at everything. 

Much better than I ever could hope to be. 

It’s why you actually truly forgot about me so damn fast.